Living by THE Book

Have you ever wondered what would happen if anyone took all those biblical rules seriously? Even better, what if you took them literally?  I mean, lived "by THE Book." Some folks do claim to follow the Bible in a literal sense, but is that even possible? I re-read an old book this past week written by A.J. Jacobs - it is too funny -  the title?  The Year of Living Biblically.

So here goes - a book review.

Jacobs read through the Bible for four straight weeks, five hours a day, and compiled a list of “every rule, every guideline, every suggestion, every nugget of advice” he found in both the Old and New Testaments. When he finished, he had a list that ran 72 pages with more than 700 rules. Jacobs saw that some of the rules would be good for him — things like telling the truth, not coveting, not stealing, and loving neighbors, for example. But, like those of us who wade through Leviticus and its ilk, he saw plenty of rules that didn’t seem to make people righteous at all; stuff like not eating fruit from a tree planted less than five years ago.  Then there are those biblical rules that are just plain illegal today, like killing magicians (could not do this - I like David Copperfield too much) and sacrificing oxen. Well, maybe the last one is okay if you call it “grilling.”

Given the wide range of rules, Jacobs had to establish some criteria for which ones he could actually follow. Like a good exegete, he figured that there were certain rules that were unquestionably figurative or symbolic, like Matthew 19:12, which is all about eunuchs, especially those who “have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.” Jacobs decided that anything that involved voluntary donation of body parts should probably not be part of his quest. (good call!)

Armed with a revised list and with the help of some human and written guides from both Judaism and Christianity, Jacobs adopted a new persona for the year named “Jacob” and began following the Bible as literally as possible. He grew out his beard and hair to the point that he looked like Moses, Abraham or the Unabomber, depending on your point of view. He dressed all in white (Ecclesiastes 9:8), making sure not to wear any clothing of mixed fibers (Leviticus 19:19). To be safe, he had his wardrobe examined by a shatnez tester — kind of like an orthodox Jewish CSI who looks at the fibers under a microscope. He walked around with money rubber-banded around his hand (Deuteronomy 14:25). He carried around one of those combination cane/seat things called a “Handy Stick” so that he could avoid sitting where a menstruating woman might have sat (Leviticus 15:19). He could watch TV, but he couldn’t actually turn it on so as not to have made a graven image. He “stoned” an adulterer in the park, but since the Bible doesn’t specify how big the stones are supposed to be he just tossed pebbles at an admitted (and annoyed) adulterer on a park bench. The rules that Jacobs followed, and the reactions that he and those around him had, make for a fascinating and very funny read.

NOTE: ADDED this Cartoon simply because it is one of my all time favorites.

One of the more interesting observations that Jacobs makes in the book is that while many religious literalists scoff at the idea of a “cafeteria” style of religion — picking and choosing what rules to follow and what to leave out — the truth is that there’s really no such thing as a true biblical literalist. Even fundamentalists have to browse the scriptural salad bar and can’t heap every biblical rule onto their plate. “Otherwise,” says Jacobs, “they’d … boot out men for talking about the Tennessee Titans (‘make no mention of the names of other gods…’ ‘do not invoke the names of other gods…’ — Exodus 23:13).” 

Jacobs, a self-proclaimed agnostic, went about as far as anyone can (that I have heard about for sure) in adopting a literal biblical lifestyle, but even then he couldn’t literally or legally follow all the rules. Religions and rules cannot all be completely static. 

"Signs of the times?" Get this - the Amish, whom Jacob visited as part of his project, have evolved with the times, even if to a very small degree. He was shocked to find, for example, an Amish woman using a gas-powered leaf blower and an Amish teen rollerblading down a country road. (What more certain sign of impending apocalypse could you get?)

For Jacobs, the most important lesson was this: “There’s nothing wrong with choosing. Cafeterias aren’t bad per se. I’ve had some great meals at cafeterias. I’ve also had some turkey tetrazzini that gave me the dry heaves for 16 hours. The key is in choosing the right dishes. You need to pick the nurturing ones (compassion), the healthy ones (love thy neighbor), not the bitter ones. Religious leaders don’t know everything about every food, but maybe the good ones can guide you to what is fresh. They can be like a helpful lunch lady who — okay, I’ve taken the metaphor too far.”

My wife swears this is what "literally" happened

As for me -  I probably not up to "living literally" just yet.  Of all the biblical rotisserie I can grab and be nourished on, perhaps the most important one for me is compassion. Giving a “cup of cold water” is a simple act, but it’s those simple acts of kindness, compassion and obedience that best represent Jesus in  daily life. In my life quest to be a “person of the Book,” I have to realize that I can never be outside the rules when I lead with love. 

So - what did I learn from the agnostic guy who wrote this book?  Well - for one, at its core faith is not about a code of rules.  Two - I should do my best to faithfully live out the things about the Bible I already know.  And - a little compassion and kindness go a long way.  Finally - doing the right thing may not always be easy.

A.J. Jacobs learned from his year-long experiment that even as an agnostic there was a lot he could learn from taking on the character and lifestyle of a biblically based person. Jacobs says, “The experience changed me in big ways and small ways. There’s a lot about gratefulness in the Bible, and I would say I’m more thankful. I focus on the hundred little things that go right in a day, instead of the three or four things that go wrong. And I love the Sabbath. There’s something I really like about a forced day of rest ... I also really liked what one of my spiritual advisers said, which was that you can view life as a series of rights and entitlements, or a series of responsibilities. I like seeing my life as a series of responsibilities. It’s sort of, ‘Ask not what God can do for you, ask what you can do for God.’”

Imagine if I lived like that not for just a year — but for the rest of my life - now there's a thought.

Bad Habits

Mental Note:  Remember these are "random" thoughts.

My Grandmother helped me shop for my first plug of tobacco.  I was 9 - I thought my grandmother was "cool."  Little did I know she was teaching me a lesson.  I chose "Bull of the Woods." - One hundred heaves later I realized it was a bad choice - I was sticking to Bubble Yum.

Not too many years ago I was helping that same grandmother (who was now 93) check into the nursing home.  In filling out the paperwork there was a blank:  Do you or have you ever used any tobacco products? "Yes, I have smoked Prince Albert, Camels, and Winston's - dip some three dot Garrett snuff and every now and then chew a plug of Apple Jack or Bull of the Woods."  

"Well, Mrs. Johnson that is not good for your health." "How long have you been doing this?" they probed. Grandmother Johnson - "since I was 9."

We're creatures of habit, and that's not always a bad thing. It's the way we're made. And no one is going to learn to do something well unless some habits are involved. The problem is bad habits and habits that are not good enough. 

Did you hear about this man?  "I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until five in the morning." "What is she doing?" asked the friend. "Waiting for me to get home." Bad habits!

A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never exercise." "That's amazing," said the woman. "How old are you?" "Twenty-six." Bad habits!

I have some habits.  For one - why do I too often judge people based on their outer appearance, and not take the time to find out what is in their hearts?  I know better!  So how do I move away from showing partiality and making harmful distinctions?  Maybe my answer is not in better theology or biblical interpretation.  Better habits - perhaps?

I have watched those crazy Febreze commercials where folks smell only a "island breeze" or "country meadow" or "clean lenin" while sitting in a dump?  Funny - when Febreze was launched as an odor-cleaning product in 1993, it flopped. Why? Because people with stinky houses didn't know they needed it. But when the company discovered that people are proud to finish their chores, they suggested a new habit -- a reward with a blast of Febreze. (Pavlovian?)  The product now makes billions annually.

Imagine a rich man dressing in Gucci and feasting on caviar and truffles every day. At the gate of his exclusive community lies a homeless man named Larry, covered with rags, who would like nothing more than to satisfy his hunger with the scraps from the rich man's table. The rich man is in the habit of looking down on Larry and treating him like dirt, shouting "Get a job!"  he blasts through the gate in his Mercedes Benz every morning. Larry dies and is carried away by the angels.  The rich man also dies and is buried. From Hades, where he is being tormented, he looks up and sees Larry, just chillin'. Still in the habit of showing partiality and making distinctions, the rich man calls out, "Hey - Larry  bring me a Perrier; for I am in agony in these flames. Even in the afterlife, the rich man is treating the poor man like a servant."

Now - I understand that takes some liberty with Jesus' story of the rich man and Lazarus but moves from the first century to the 21st context (Luke 16:19-31). It is time for me to get in the habit of loving my neighbors as myself before it is too late.  Seeing words and deeds as two sides of the same Christian coin is the key to living a life of integrity and avoiding the charge of hypocrisy.  I need to replace the bad habit of favoritism with the good habit of respect for all people. Since my credibility is always going to be based on whether I practice what I preach, I need to find concrete ways to love my neighbor as myself ... instead of simply talking about it.

Saying I have faith is never enough. I have to make a habit of putting my faith into action.

Let the Games Begin

I not a fan of the smell of spilled beer flowing between my feet from a couple seats down.  Hot dogs with mustard and onions - I can take.  Baseball's a game where miracles can happen.  I'm a little bummed that Baseball and Softball are not Olympic sports anymore.  But I do enjoy the sports - especially watching them.  The Games of the XXX modern Olympiad begin this week.  World class athletics!


I am in awe of people who can ski the alpine downhill at 80 mph.  Or - how about the first Brit to win the Tour de France?  He cycled (bi-cycle - peddling) some 2100 plus miles.  Running a marathon?  Pole vaulting? Landing a quadruple toe loop on figure skates - with grace?  Driving a race car while enduring 5 G's in the corners in the 120 degree heat, knowing a mistake can kill you?  Hitting a major league pitch thrown at 90 plus mph by judging it 1/1000th of a second?  If I could pull it off successfully three out of 10 times I'd land a multimillion dollar contract.
Sports feats are difficult. No doubt. They take endurance, skill, training and talent (hopefully foster some world peace?), but ultimately they aren’t that important. After all, athletic competitions, even the Olympics, are just games.  

Are you kidding me Moses?

Although I have never been in an Olympic competition - I sense that life itself is considerably harder and much more challenging. So what’s the hardest thing to do in life? Here’s a list what I think are the most challenging events in life.  I have not personally experienced all of them - but have known people who have.  I have walked with hundreds through these challenges.  I know my list is not your list -  all have our own personal challenges that would make our list look different.


For me?

Raising children - Forgiving - Apologizing - Regaining lost trust - Keeping faith in God during trials and tribulations - living homeless - going to bed hungry every night - burying a child - suicide - murder -removing life support from a loved one.


This list makes the complicated judgments involved in skiing at 80 mph, pole vaulting and hitting a baseball look easy. The "life list" is a tough list, but that last one — making decisions about life or death — is one of the toughest. Even when all the medical facts are known and understood, after the prognosis is clear, even when the choice is obvious, it is a tremendously agonizing decision to remove a respirator from a loved one. I become the judge. It is like I decide between life and death. Most recently - I have an ongoing conversation with a godly person who has lost his will to live.


Top world athletes, even on their hardest days, never make that kind of choice.  Is it what I expected in life?  Probably not.  But I have learned that regardless of what I expected - it is reality.


It’s in the hard places in my life that I must ask the tough questions while seeking godly truth. Then I should listen to the answers, weigh the evidence, judge and act.  I pray my choices be truth-seeking, not game-playing.  When I am presented with life’s difficult choices do I choose to be expedient rather than do what is ultimately right. Making the right choice isn’t always easy or popular. 

So what’s the hardest thing for me?  Is it learning to forgive when I am hurt? Apologizing when I would rather not?  

Was it raising my children with love, kindness and direction every day, tirelessly? Loving my enemies, both personal and national?  These acts take hope and courage and are more challenging than anything in sports. 

But I'm going to continue to face them. No doubt about it. 


It is said that once, when a batter stepped into the box and made the sign of the cross, Hall of Fame catcher, Yogi Berra, said to him, "Let's just leave God outta this, okay?"
But sometimes, God seems to interfere with the game. (And of that I am thankful).  God expects me to step into the batter’s box. And swing.  And I like that.  I still like "The Games" even without baseball & softball.  Let the Games begin!  Or - did they begin a long time ago?  Suppose it depends on my perspective.

Death Calculator

Are you dying to know when you’ll die?  With my folks being feeble at such a young age I decided to go online and take the test.  Okay - so I do believe that death is in God's hands - but there’s at least one person who thinks it’s possible to determine death dates with reasonable accuracy without God. (Maybe this is sinful to do - like taking a sneak peek at my horoscope?)  Dr. David Demko -  a well-known gerontologist did research for over 30 years on the lifestyle patterns that either enhance or diminish life expectancy. 

In 1974, while in graduate school in Michigan, he developed the death calculator and shortly later received the support of the United States Administration on Aging. Since that time it has been used all over the world as a predictor of life expectancy, based upon certain lifestyle behavior patterns.

The death calculator itself is actually a simple quiz that includes questions like the following:

“Do you have an annual physical exam?” If so, add three years to your score. If not, subtract three years from your score.

“Do you volunteer on a weekly basis?” If so, add two years to your score. If not, one year deducted. Volunteering means non-paid service to unrelated individuals.

“Are you able to laugh at, and learn from your mistakes?” If not, subtract three years. (Can I just subtract 2 if I am able to do this just sometimes?)

“Do you smoke a pack of cigarettes daily?” Subtract four years. Live or work with smokers? Subtract one year.

There’s more. “Do you own a pet?” Add two years for interactive pets (dog, cat, bird). Add one year for passive pets (fish, reptile, tarantula) - (This dude does not know my pets - and I don't call reptiles passive). If you are left-handed, subtract one year. (strange? But remember - Judas was on the left of Jesus - and the "goats" are on the left in the judgement).  For every inch of your height that exceeds 5’8”, subtract six months. (I'm toast) “Are you a religious person, and do you practice your faith?” If so, add two years.” (How about if I most of the time practice at least 1 of the 2?)

According to this -long life isn’t just a result of smart genes and dumb luck. Most of the time, it’s due to moderate eating, sleeping, diet, exercise, work and leisure. In fact, 80 percent of the factors that control how long you live are related to your lifestyle, not your genes -- now that's good news for me.  Add that to the fact that I have honored my parents (I think) & I am good to go for a long life. (Remember the commandment to honor our folks has a promise attached to it).

Dr. Demko’s quiz may predict when I am going to die, but that’s not really the point of his death calculator, is it? The point is to choose to live in the healthiest way possible — now, before I'm dead, and have no choices at all.

I better get  my act together ... now! Talk about urgency about getting on with  life now, and not later when it may well be too late.  Paul's words - “Be careful then how you live, not as unwise people but as wise, making the most of the time, because the days are evil” (Ephesians 5:15-16).

It’s this lack of attention to life, passing through without deliberate intention to a moral life that led Henry David Thoreau in 1854 to the radical decision to live alone for a time. Thoreau did not want to let life pass him by — he wanted to live it with full attention.

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately,” wrote Thoreau in Walden, “to confront only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”

In the end, it doesn’t matter when I die. It matters only how I’ve lived.  FYI - the calculator says I should have died 5 years ago.  So I'm feeling pretty good right now - right?

What's Your Drink?

I was at a wedding recently where some folks got a bit ‘tipsy’ and began sporting Kung Fu dancing moves.  It was quite entertaining. (FYI -the four steps of drunkenness are alleged to be the jocose, the bellicose, the lachrymose, and finally the comatose stages.) One of my daughter’s friends asked her “how do you guys have fun without drinking?  I have testified to this many times that my wife and I are convinced that we are the last Christians on the planet who don't drink.  She went out after work with her peers not too long ago and they tried to coax her into taking her first drink.  Did I mention we are no longer as vulnerable to teen peer pressure?

I can tell you (no rumor) that I don't drink, chew, smoke, steal, commit adultery, covet, take God's name in vain, or dance (very well that is)  -  take drugs, play cards, or gamble. 

Why not?  Some of those things I just don’t enjoy.  Others are not the “sins that so easily beset me.”  Still others I do not do because of a conviction not to do those things.  I would like to say in all others it is  because I am such a good Christian.  But in reality it is because Christians who gossip are always somewhere in my life keeping track of my sins.  Keeping me accountable.  I don't do these things because people don't think I would and should do them - and I find a kind of wholeness in being who people think I am.  Some would call it integrity.  Reputation is important to me - and I think it should be for a person of God.  Lose even a shred of it, and you can be ruined for life. 

We feel like the Recabites whom Jeremiah tried to spoil.  It was probably at a July 4^th  party when Jeremiah set bowls of wine before the Recabites and said, "Drink some wine!"  But the Recabites said, "We do not drink wine, because our forefathers Jonadab son of Recab gave us this command: 'Neither you nor your descendants must ever drink wine.  Also you must never build houses...but always live in tents. (Jeremiah 35:6-7).  We are still pretty liberal for modern day Racabites, while we don't drink, we don't live in a tent – yet.  But in this economy who knows?  But we really feel comforted since we found this scripture to back up one of our preconceived notions.  At least we know there were others along the way that did not drink and were fairly dogmatic about it.

Like the Recabites, we don't even drink wine for our stomach's sake.  When we lived in Oklahoma where the water was said to be polluted with plutonium we still didn't drink wine.  We  have often discussed this and asked ourselves is it because some Christians think its wrong or because Jesus thinks its wrong?  Well - you know - Jesus drank wine - rats!  He even made his own.  Probably a good year too.  And we don't think Jesus ever sinned.  I know Christians are mixed on the subject. 

One "sister" in at church was castigating her friends who were drinking wine (it was suppose to help prevent Alzheimer's for crying out loud) when one of them asked her, "Why do you speak against our drinking wine? Don't you know that Jesus drank wine?"  "Yes," she said, hanging her head, "but I think I would think a lot more of him if he hadn't."  Then there is the senior adult ladies Sunday School class whose cure all was "rum raisins."  No wonder they couldn't get up the steps to the church. But alas - they were pain free.  And that was good.

Growing up as the son of an alcoholic I observed the problem with alcohol is that the feelings it evokes are not transforming. They are merely transitory. While it is true that a wallflower may bloom into a beautiful rose while "under the influence," it is a hot-house blossom that will wither and curl the moment sobriety returns.

Isaiah knew that his people were parched and thirsted for a quenching gift  - a hand-held divinely-granted drink.  That gift?  Freedom. (Isaiah 43)
 The water Isaiah speaks of is transformative. "What's your drink?"

”What are you thirsty for?”

Few communities are as schizophrenic about an issue as are our particular group.. We even refrain from using any form of alcohol in the communion cup.  Although I have heard of conservative Churches on the east coast using Mogen David (its blessed by the Rabbi, remember?) and are not accused of being wine-bibbers.

Jesus proclaims that "...those who drink of the water that I give them will never be thirsty. The water that I will give will become in them a spring of water gushing up to eternal life."  Is it any wonder that draughts of such a potent spirituality render me a bit tipsy?

So generous a host is the Holy Spirit, that the Christ followers in Acts are mistaken for drunkards.  The twist? Those blithering, blundering, bullheaded disciples are transformed into articulate, charismatic, courageous spiritual leaders.  The Holy Spirit's living water kept their own spirits buoyant.

So, what’s your drink?  Be careful - you could be "moving your feet" & sporting kung fu moves in the blink of a drink.

The Face I Deserve

Heard the Bud Light "Mr. SPF 80 Sunblock Wearer" commercial a few days ago while traveling to and/or from visits.  Relax - I was innocently listening to 103.3 ESPN sports for a few updates.

"Today we salute you Mr. 80 SPF Sunblock Wearer.  There are 24 hours in a day -You're wearing 80 hour protection. If the sun fails to go down...You'll be ready.

Your coconut-scented force field

blocks out all the sun's rays and any stray rays from another sun in another galaxy.(you're a star)

30 SPF? Please...you might as well be wearing cooking oil (something smells delicious)

So Mr. 80 SPF Sunblock Wearer...feel free to crack one (a bud light) open at high noon in the middle of the Sahara Desert (mr. 80 SPF sunblock wearer)"

I am among those over the age of 30 would not dare go out for a day in the sun without a thick coating of sunscreen, SPF 15 at least, slathered on my skin. I might even add a stripe of neon colored zinc-oxide down my nose, plus a hat for good measure. Of course, for me,  the words of warning about over-exposure came too late. The damage has been done...I looked into the mirror and have, yes, wrinkles! lines! creases!  (Note:  while on this subject - I 'tweeted' this recently: "Help! Glanced at the mirror in the hospital atrium & promptly yanked a 2 inch hair from my earlobe - it's over, I'm old.")

Yeech! What an image! No wonder the multi-million dollar cosmetic industry provides so many moisturizing, micro-encapsulated, mega-drenched, money-sucking methods for combating the effects sun, rain, wind, and life have on our faces. As a baby boomer I may just be willing to concede that I should begin to "act my age," it is abundantly clear that I have no intention of looking it. The standard of beauty, the epitome of handsomeness, is still defined by those flawless faces I see on magazine models and movie stars. Big eyes, perfect noses, collagen enhanced lips (scary), soaring cheekbones are all interchangeable from model to model, star to star.

Moses himself is determined to see God on his second trip up to Sinai's heights. Accordingly, God does go to great lengths to make this desire a reality. But what God does not mention, and Moses does not discern, is that experiencing God's presence in our lives can and should dramatically change us - and change Moses it did.

When Moses came down Mount Sinai carrying the two stone tablets inscribed with the terms of the covenant, he wasn't aware that his face had become radiant because he had spoken to the LORD. Exodus 34:29 (Too late for SPF 80)

Moses looks more like Casper than Charleston Heston here

Moses is by no means the only one to experience a physical transformation in God's presence. Remember that when Jacob wrestled with the angel, his hip was put permanently out of joint; poor, clumsy Uzzah stumbled against the Ark of the Covenant and was struck dead; and Isaiah cried out in anguish "Woe is me," when he, "a man of unclean LIPS, " saw God with his own eyes. Many of those who met with God were hardly "perfect-model" types - at least not after their confrontation.

While my spiritual ancestors clearly met God face to face at their own risk, today my sense of awe and my "fear of the Lord" appears to have dissolved. When it comes to encountering God, I too often have all the class and respect of the papparazzi.

2012 Jesus face in meter...must squint and turn head to side

Now - I have never seen a  "miraculous appearance" of Jesus' face in some bizarre place. No Jesus has shown up in my bathroom, on a flour tortilla, on a photograph of Aunt Muggie or Uncle Fester.  I must say at least the face of our Lord has had the good sense to appear on a mass produced piece of advertising - no more foolish trekking to southwestern lavatories just to see Jesus. I understand that he  appeared on a Pizza Hut billboard ad - hawking their new spaghetti, the face of my savior has made its appearance. On a fork holding aloft a gooey mass of pasta and sauce, people all over Atlanta, Georgia, saw Jesus' face - his nose and brow and cheekbones outlined by the spaghetti itself, his hair and beard given their substance by the sauce, even the oregano and cheese pitch in to provide him eyes.  Pizza Hut lore has it that they had to hire extra operators to deal with the avalanche of inquiries that phoned in.  Not sure how this would work but now that Pizza Hut has taken on Domino's in the home delivery game, if He shows His face again - these folks could want an order of Jesus "to go."

Jesus is suppose to be in here somewhere

Moses' face, forever altered by his encounter with God, enabled him to communicate the power of God's presence to his people. Furthermore, as Exodus 34:34 states, Moses' transformed face allowed him to converse with God "unveiled." His initial experience with God's glory so changed Moses that from that time on, he enjoyed a uniquely intimate relationship with the divine.


This all has made me think. Does my face reveal my faith? or just the fact that I am getting older?

I'm past 50 and it is said, "After 50 - everyone gets the face they deserve."
What face-marks do I have that testify to having been in His presence?  The face that I have -  is it the face I deserve? I'm afraid to say.  One thing is for sure, just to be safe -  I'm graduating to SPF 30 next time I mow the lawn.

Jerky Behavior

In a former life I kept a "little black book" of people I would have liked to punch in the face. I have been "dead to that life" for many years now.  However - I crossed paths with a couple of real jerks this past week. 


These were painfully annoying and woefully unaware jerks -- like the guy in your office who smacks his gum so loud it shakes the walls of your cubicle; your husband's second cousin "Eddy" who manages to show up at every family event, devouring desserts and consuming conversation with endless stories about himself.  


There are some straight-up rude and downright disrespectful jerks in this world.   They're the worst. This girl knowingly cuts in front of me at Starbucks to order something for everyone in her office. No apology. No recognition of her rudeness, just a curt demand for "18 half non-fat, half one percent, extra-hot, split-quad lattes with whip. Now."  OK!

And, of course, there was the guy who rode my bumper on the way to visit the hospital -  only to blow past me later, honking his horn and shaking a fist, (and pointing his finger) all while updating his Facebook status.


Jerks come in different shapes and sizes. Some are annoying and others rude. But regardless of particular nuances, there's one category into which all such  fit very nicely. They're all jerks. And in case you haven't noticed, the world is full of them. 

In fact, the epidemic is so widespread it's safe to say that at one time or another we've all been rightly labeled as one.  I know I am "chief" among them.  You know the "jerk" who couldn't make up his mind at Starbucks so I had to cut in front of him.  Or the "jerk" who was traveling five miles an hour UNDER the speed limit and wouldn't pull over to the shoulder of the road and let me pass? Jerk!


Interesting observation -  not only do rude, socially challenged, thoughtless, boorish, offensive, vulgar, bad-mannered, uncouth, vile and foul people make life less enjoyable for others, according to one scientific study, being a jerk is actually a detriment to my own health. That's right, if I chew with my mouth open, talk back to my supervisor or run around the freeway like a NASCAR driver, or even if I nearly stroke out arguing with my Christian brother today, it may just hinder my health and keep me from living longer tomorrow. So if I'd like to live longer, at the very least I should stop being a jerk -- to put it bluntly. 

Summarizing data from millions of people studied in dozens of academic articles, the journal Psychological Science in the Public Interest asserts that those whose personalities could be summarized as boorish or jerk-like tend to acquire more diseases, and die at earlier ages than those with other, more socially palatable personality traits. According to one study, heart patients with Type D personalities -- people who lack confidence and are prone to irritability -- are at a substantially greater risk of heart-related death. By contrast, people who are open to new experiences, exhibit more flexibility in their temperament and can more easily "go with the flow" are at a lower risk.

While this makes for interesting conversation at the family reunion or an excellent comeback the next time my brother-in-law rolls his eyes, as a Christ follower I should not need the lure of longer living to keep me  from being a jerk.  Amazing how God works - He has great timing.  In my Bible reading this week I browsed 1 Thessalonians, chapter 5,  where Paul gave me some insight about my life in Christ and what I should keep me kind and jerk-free.

Perspective.  My argument is that much of what makes for a jerk-like approach to everyday living is my myopic view of my own existence. My annoying habits grow out of my lack of social awareness -- that is, my view of the world fails to include the sensitivities of others. Anger and frustration I spew at others over small things shows my ignorance or a lack of appreciation for what constitutes a truly big issue.

Maybe you've figured this out already, but much of what drives me to boorish or jerk-like behavior is fear. From the words I mumble under my breath  at a waitress to the cold shoulder I give, if I  dig deep enough, I discover that its origin is fear -- fear that I'll be neglected, abused or considered unworthy. In response, my sinfulness takes up what it believes to be the most protective shield: being a jerk.

While fear clouds my mind and gets me drunk with delusions of my destruction -- driving me to jerkish self-defense -- the light of truth sobers me up and calls me to lay hold of greater gifts, which protect me from real harm.

Next time, rather than sitting and stewing over the thousand things I could say to the girl who cut in front of me at Starbucks, I'm going to recite the Apostles' Creed, or the Lord's Prayer or Psalm 23, under your breath, until my attitude changes.  Right. Sounds trite, but I need some way to activate my spiritual firewall and regain my perspective.

Scary - this guy kind of looks like me

Or, what if rather than seethe in frustration over the guy at work who chews ice cubes in every meeting with no care for others' ears, I go out of my way to show love to him and be kind to him? In other words, do for him what Christ has done for me: Show him a little undeserved kindness and love. Difficult, yes, but I  just can't wait and see how my sense of entitled, jerk-like retribution fades whenever I choose to see "ice-chewing Bob" through Christlike lenses and serve him despite his faults.

Of course, I could do none of these things and instead download the popular iPhone app, entitled, "Office Jerk." Put out by Fluik entertainment, the game allows you to craft a likeness of your office nemesis -- or anyone for that matter -- and then score points by throwing junk at their digitally represented face.  This promises endless hours of mindless carnage.


Paul's point is that through faith in Christ, the hope of the resurrection and the confidence of a right relationship with God, I have nothing to fear. Run to this truth. Find rest in this truth. Sober up and lighten up. I'm protected by these truths.

Last, Paul tells me that I not only have the light of truth to grant me a greater perspective and an effective armor protecting me from lasting harm, but as a follower of Jesus  I have the unshakable truth that I'm destined for salvation...this shaping my perception of every moment. This is an incredible source of encouragement. 

When the rest of the world is going crazy -- I have to remember my destiny. When everyone else has a short temper -- I have to remember my destiny. When everything from minor details are missed to major tragedies occur, I need to remember my destiny. In the end -- which is all that ultimately matters -- I will "live with Him." (1 Thessalonians 5:10) In other words, "he who possesses blessing in the final hour need not get too worked up about the present moment."  The end result of living in the light of truth, embracing my armor and resting in salvation is a person who is less prone to tearing down another person over a petty issue and more concerned with building someone up. Get this series of imperatives that are as far from jerklike living as I can possibly get. "Respect .... Be at peace .... admonish ... encourage ... help ... be patient .... Rejoice ... pray ... give thanks .... hold fast to what is good" ( 1 Thessalonians 5:12-21).

It's a daunting list. But the implications are clear. If being a jerk can shorten my life, I am heeding the call to be the exact opposite.  I have noticed jerks are everywhere. Whether or not being one will actually shorten my life is up for debate.
Since I am already "dead to" & have tossed my "black book" of folks I'd like to punch in the face...how can I possibly let my life be torn down by jerk-like behavior, both by me and against me. I'm choosing to be the kind of person who builds people up.  The choice is mine, and it's pretty clear. 

Come on self; don't be a jerk.  There are enough of those already.