Family Holiday Gatherings

This past week we had a "Holiday Family Gathering." My own family's hypocrisy helped me understand what I read in Twain's Huckleberry Finn.  Dysfunctional family life has been around long before pop psychology defined it for me.  Now - I really do "enjoy" to (occasionally) get together with our end of the gene pool. These can be dangerous gatherings for me. (Growing up I was taught that - "If you are smart, once you've  grown up and escaped, you would be wise to never go near "these people" again- our family & logic is akin to Ma & Pa Kettle.)

"The Speech"

But many of us are drawn to cousinly confabs like moths to dysfunctional family flames.  I have attempted half-hearted excuses to get out of these gatherings - but I am convinced that my own death would not be enough for me to escape - it would be just another reason for folks to gather.  When our kids were younger I would give them "the speech" before we went - well, several times on the way to "the holiday gathering." It was a drive of anticipation to a destination where people probably shared my same feelings and blood.  


Aunt Muggie, Uncle Fuzz, and Aunt Pete were ALWAYS there.  You know - cheek pinching, warnings on the dangers of drugs and alcohol.  If I remember correctly, some of our meetings were actually held in the AA building - I suppose, for a reason. Then there was what my girls call "the old people food" - yep - casseroles and "jello-type-whipped cream - salads...of all kinds (and colors).  Again - according to my girls this was food from "questionable origin" that someone had tossed together from a home-cooking experiment gone terribly wrong.  THEN there was the poor dog or cat who just happens to inhabit the area getting poked, prodded, and otherwise tortured by the "children of the corn."

These days my girls (and my wife) have to give ME "the speech." - When I show up the conversation always seems to polarize to church-state squabbling. True to form, the family begins discussing religion and politics.  Presidential candidates are hurled around as weapons -- and then someone always brings the "Good Lord" into it and I'm supposed to know the election mindedness of God.... “I’ll pray for you,” mutters Aunt muggy (on the right side of the political spectrum) to Aunt Pete  - the one on the left. “You need all the help you can get.”  Thermometers rising... on to something more important - like sports or dissecting the failings of the opposite sex.  Looking for me? - I'm sitting with a glazed expression for the rest of the gathering... next to the sleeping old man, attempting to get my phone to work - no service - my only entertainment is watching the slow progress of drool sliding slowly down this distant relative's  face while he snores with whistles and snorts "three stooges style."

I suppose that is why I "got it" when Mrs. Huckabee gave us a "pop quiz" theme on the feuding family of Shepherdson (& the Grangerfords) - a murdering family who stop from feuding and attend church on Sunday, but still carry their guns.  My take as a High School Freshman was that Twain lampoons the foolishness of so-called educated people.   Families destroying themselves because of foolish pride and absolutely ridiculous behavior since no one in the Shepherdsons "can recall why the family is at war."

This brings me to the shocking command that God gives to Abram is to leave his family behind. It is similar to one of the "hard sayings" of Jesus (Luke 14:26) - one that we like either to ignore or to soften to a more palatable texture. But the command is unambiguous. In Abram's case, leaving the family meant leaving behind all the structures that organized clan life: a known code of legal and moral behavior, an established place in the hierarchical pecking order and the personal cults, gods and idols that were worshiped by the family. But what is interesting is that he never can seem to really get far enough away from them and their influence. What  I am attempting to say is that Abram's family had an "Aunt Pete, Uncle Fuzz, and Aunt Muggie" - just read Genesis  sometime - the dysfunctionality will either alarm or encourage you that you are not alone.  Funny how things haven't changed much in the last 4000 years.

 "Family" is now such a buzzword that in the name of "the family" we will do almost anything. For the sake of "the family," we claw our way up - working longer hours, seeking more pay, taking on huge mortgages for better homes in better neighborhoods with better schools. We may be too exhausted or stressed out to enjoy the big "family vacation," but it is more important and more expensive than ever. The tourism industry knows that the surest way to attract more people is to offer special rates, programs and services for "families." Even Las Vegas casinos are styling themselves as "family casinos" and "family vacation" centers.  Heaven forbid that Muggie, Pete, and Fuzz find that out before Memorial Day weekend.  

Watch Out Las Vegas! Aunt Pete is headed that way!