Living by THE Book

Have you ever wondered what would happen if anyone took all those biblical rules seriously? Even better, what if you took them literally?  I mean, lived "by THE Book." Some folks do claim to follow the Bible in a literal sense, but is that even possible? I re-read an old book this past week written by A.J. Jacobs - it is too funny -  the title?  The Year of Living Biblically.

So here goes - a book review.

Jacobs read through the Bible for four straight weeks, five hours a day, and compiled a list of “every rule, every guideline, every suggestion, every nugget of advice” he found in both the Old and New Testaments. When he finished, he had a list that ran 72 pages with more than 700 rules. Jacobs saw that some of the rules would be good for him — things like telling the truth, not coveting, not stealing, and loving neighbors, for example. But, like those of us who wade through Leviticus and its ilk, he saw plenty of rules that didn’t seem to make people righteous at all; stuff like not eating fruit from a tree planted less than five years ago.  Then there are those biblical rules that are just plain illegal today, like killing magicians (could not do this - I like David Copperfield too much) and sacrificing oxen. Well, maybe the last one is okay if you call it “grilling.”

Given the wide range of rules, Jacobs had to establish some criteria for which ones he could actually follow. Like a good exegete, he figured that there were certain rules that were unquestionably figurative or symbolic, like Matthew 19:12, which is all about eunuchs, especially those who “have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.” Jacobs decided that anything that involved voluntary donation of body parts should probably not be part of his quest. (good call!)

Armed with a revised list and with the help of some human and written guides from both Judaism and Christianity, Jacobs adopted a new persona for the year named “Jacob” and began following the Bible as literally as possible. He grew out his beard and hair to the point that he looked like Moses, Abraham or the Unabomber, depending on your point of view. He dressed all in white (Ecclesiastes 9:8), making sure not to wear any clothing of mixed fibers (Leviticus 19:19). To be safe, he had his wardrobe examined by a shatnez tester — kind of like an orthodox Jewish CSI who looks at the fibers under a microscope. He walked around with money rubber-banded around his hand (Deuteronomy 14:25). He carried around one of those combination cane/seat things called a “Handy Stick” so that he could avoid sitting where a menstruating woman might have sat (Leviticus 15:19). He could watch TV, but he couldn’t actually turn it on so as not to have made a graven image. He “stoned” an adulterer in the park, but since the Bible doesn’t specify how big the stones are supposed to be he just tossed pebbles at an admitted (and annoyed) adulterer on a park bench. The rules that Jacobs followed, and the reactions that he and those around him had, make for a fascinating and very funny read.

NOTE: ADDED this Cartoon simply because it is one of my all time favorites.

One of the more interesting observations that Jacobs makes in the book is that while many religious literalists scoff at the idea of a “cafeteria” style of religion — picking and choosing what rules to follow and what to leave out — the truth is that there’s really no such thing as a true biblical literalist. Even fundamentalists have to browse the scriptural salad bar and can’t heap every biblical rule onto their plate. “Otherwise,” says Jacobs, “they’d … boot out men for talking about the Tennessee Titans (‘make no mention of the names of other gods…’ ‘do not invoke the names of other gods…’ — Exodus 23:13).” 

Jacobs, a self-proclaimed agnostic, went about as far as anyone can (that I have heard about for sure) in adopting a literal biblical lifestyle, but even then he couldn’t literally or legally follow all the rules. Religions and rules cannot all be completely static. 

"Signs of the times?" Get this - the Amish, whom Jacob visited as part of his project, have evolved with the times, even if to a very small degree. He was shocked to find, for example, an Amish woman using a gas-powered leaf blower and an Amish teen rollerblading down a country road. (What more certain sign of impending apocalypse could you get?)

For Jacobs, the most important lesson was this: “There’s nothing wrong with choosing. Cafeterias aren’t bad per se. I’ve had some great meals at cafeterias. I’ve also had some turkey tetrazzini that gave me the dry heaves for 16 hours. The key is in choosing the right dishes. You need to pick the nurturing ones (compassion), the healthy ones (love thy neighbor), not the bitter ones. Religious leaders don’t know everything about every food, but maybe the good ones can guide you to what is fresh. They can be like a helpful lunch lady who — okay, I’ve taken the metaphor too far.”

My wife swears this is what "literally" happened

As for me -  I probably not up to "living literally" just yet.  Of all the biblical rotisserie I can grab and be nourished on, perhaps the most important one for me is compassion. Giving a “cup of cold water” is a simple act, but it’s those simple acts of kindness, compassion and obedience that best represent Jesus in  daily life. In my life quest to be a “person of the Book,” I have to realize that I can never be outside the rules when I lead with love. 

So - what did I learn from the agnostic guy who wrote this book?  Well - for one, at its core faith is not about a code of rules.  Two - I should do my best to faithfully live out the things about the Bible I already know.  And - a little compassion and kindness go a long way.  Finally - doing the right thing may not always be easy.

A.J. Jacobs learned from his year-long experiment that even as an agnostic there was a lot he could learn from taking on the character and lifestyle of a biblically based person. Jacobs says, “The experience changed me in big ways and small ways. There’s a lot about gratefulness in the Bible, and I would say I’m more thankful. I focus on the hundred little things that go right in a day, instead of the three or four things that go wrong. And I love the Sabbath. There’s something I really like about a forced day of rest ... I also really liked what one of my spiritual advisers said, which was that you can view life as a series of rights and entitlements, or a series of responsibilities. I like seeing my life as a series of responsibilities. It’s sort of, ‘Ask not what God can do for you, ask what you can do for God.’”

Imagine if I lived like that not for just a year — but for the rest of my life - now there's a thought.

Bad Habits

Mental Note:  Remember these are "random" thoughts.

My Grandmother helped me shop for my first plug of tobacco.  I was 9 - I thought my grandmother was "cool."  Little did I know she was teaching me a lesson.  I chose "Bull of the Woods." - One hundred heaves later I realized it was a bad choice - I was sticking to Bubble Yum.

Not too many years ago I was helping that same grandmother (who was now 93) check into the nursing home.  In filling out the paperwork there was a blank:  Do you or have you ever used any tobacco products? "Yes, I have smoked Prince Albert, Camels, and Winston's - dip some three dot Garrett snuff and every now and then chew a plug of Apple Jack or Bull of the Woods."  

"Well, Mrs. Johnson that is not good for your health." "How long have you been doing this?" they probed. Grandmother Johnson - "since I was 9."

We're creatures of habit, and that's not always a bad thing. It's the way we're made. And no one is going to learn to do something well unless some habits are involved. The problem is bad habits and habits that are not good enough. 

Did you hear about this man?  "I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until five in the morning." "What is she doing?" asked the friend. "Waiting for me to get home." Bad habits!

A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never exercise." "That's amazing," said the woman. "How old are you?" "Twenty-six." Bad habits!

I have some habits.  For one - why do I too often judge people based on their outer appearance, and not take the time to find out what is in their hearts?  I know better!  So how do I move away from showing partiality and making harmful distinctions?  Maybe my answer is not in better theology or biblical interpretation.  Better habits - perhaps?

I have watched those crazy Febreze commercials where folks smell only a "island breeze" or "country meadow" or "clean lenin" while sitting in a dump?  Funny - when Febreze was launched as an odor-cleaning product in 1993, it flopped. Why? Because people with stinky houses didn't know they needed it. But when the company discovered that people are proud to finish their chores, they suggested a new habit -- a reward with a blast of Febreze. (Pavlovian?)  The product now makes billions annually.

Imagine a rich man dressing in Gucci and feasting on caviar and truffles every day. At the gate of his exclusive community lies a homeless man named Larry, covered with rags, who would like nothing more than to satisfy his hunger with the scraps from the rich man's table. The rich man is in the habit of looking down on Larry and treating him like dirt, shouting "Get a job!"  he blasts through the gate in his Mercedes Benz every morning. Larry dies and is carried away by the angels.  The rich man also dies and is buried. From Hades, where he is being tormented, he looks up and sees Larry, just chillin'. Still in the habit of showing partiality and making distinctions, the rich man calls out, "Hey - Larry  bring me a Perrier; for I am in agony in these flames. Even in the afterlife, the rich man is treating the poor man like a servant."

Now - I understand that takes some liberty with Jesus' story of the rich man and Lazarus but moves from the first century to the 21st context (Luke 16:19-31). It is time for me to get in the habit of loving my neighbors as myself before it is too late.  Seeing words and deeds as two sides of the same Christian coin is the key to living a life of integrity and avoiding the charge of hypocrisy.  I need to replace the bad habit of favoritism with the good habit of respect for all people. Since my credibility is always going to be based on whether I practice what I preach, I need to find concrete ways to love my neighbor as myself ... instead of simply talking about it.

Saying I have faith is never enough. I have to make a habit of putting my faith into action.