Jerky Behavior

In a former life I kept a "little black book" of people I would have liked to punch in the face. I have been "dead to that life" for many years now.  However - I crossed paths with a couple of real jerks this past week. 


These were painfully annoying and woefully unaware jerks -- like the guy in your office who smacks his gum so loud it shakes the walls of your cubicle; your husband's second cousin "Eddy" who manages to show up at every family event, devouring desserts and consuming conversation with endless stories about himself.  


There are some straight-up rude and downright disrespectful jerks in this world.   They're the worst. This girl knowingly cuts in front of me at Starbucks to order something for everyone in her office. No apology. No recognition of her rudeness, just a curt demand for "18 half non-fat, half one percent, extra-hot, split-quad lattes with whip. Now."  OK!

And, of course, there was the guy who rode my bumper on the way to visit the hospital -  only to blow past me later, honking his horn and shaking a fist, (and pointing his finger) all while updating his Facebook status.


Jerks come in different shapes and sizes. Some are annoying and others rude. But regardless of particular nuances, there's one category into which all such  fit very nicely. They're all jerks. And in case you haven't noticed, the world is full of them. 

In fact, the epidemic is so widespread it's safe to say that at one time or another we've all been rightly labeled as one.  I know I am "chief" among them.  You know the "jerk" who couldn't make up his mind at Starbucks so I had to cut in front of him.  Or the "jerk" who was traveling five miles an hour UNDER the speed limit and wouldn't pull over to the shoulder of the road and let me pass? Jerk!


Interesting observation -  not only do rude, socially challenged, thoughtless, boorish, offensive, vulgar, bad-mannered, uncouth, vile and foul people make life less enjoyable for others, according to one scientific study, being a jerk is actually a detriment to my own health. That's right, if I chew with my mouth open, talk back to my supervisor or run around the freeway like a NASCAR driver, or even if I nearly stroke out arguing with my Christian brother today, it may just hinder my health and keep me from living longer tomorrow. So if I'd like to live longer, at the very least I should stop being a jerk -- to put it bluntly. 

Summarizing data from millions of people studied in dozens of academic articles, the journal Psychological Science in the Public Interest asserts that those whose personalities could be summarized as boorish or jerk-like tend to acquire more diseases, and die at earlier ages than those with other, more socially palatable personality traits. According to one study, heart patients with Type D personalities -- people who lack confidence and are prone to irritability -- are at a substantially greater risk of heart-related death. By contrast, people who are open to new experiences, exhibit more flexibility in their temperament and can more easily "go with the flow" are at a lower risk.

While this makes for interesting conversation at the family reunion or an excellent comeback the next time my brother-in-law rolls his eyes, as a Christ follower I should not need the lure of longer living to keep me  from being a jerk.  Amazing how God works - He has great timing.  In my Bible reading this week I browsed 1 Thessalonians, chapter 5,  where Paul gave me some insight about my life in Christ and what I should keep me kind and jerk-free.

Perspective.  My argument is that much of what makes for a jerk-like approach to everyday living is my myopic view of my own existence. My annoying habits grow out of my lack of social awareness -- that is, my view of the world fails to include the sensitivities of others. Anger and frustration I spew at others over small things shows my ignorance or a lack of appreciation for what constitutes a truly big issue.

Maybe you've figured this out already, but much of what drives me to boorish or jerk-like behavior is fear. From the words I mumble under my breath  at a waitress to the cold shoulder I give, if I  dig deep enough, I discover that its origin is fear -- fear that I'll be neglected, abused or considered unworthy. In response, my sinfulness takes up what it believes to be the most protective shield: being a jerk.

While fear clouds my mind and gets me drunk with delusions of my destruction -- driving me to jerkish self-defense -- the light of truth sobers me up and calls me to lay hold of greater gifts, which protect me from real harm.

Next time, rather than sitting and stewing over the thousand things I could say to the girl who cut in front of me at Starbucks, I'm going to recite the Apostles' Creed, or the Lord's Prayer or Psalm 23, under your breath, until my attitude changes.  Right. Sounds trite, but I need some way to activate my spiritual firewall and regain my perspective.

Scary - this guy kind of looks like me

Or, what if rather than seethe in frustration over the guy at work who chews ice cubes in every meeting with no care for others' ears, I go out of my way to show love to him and be kind to him? In other words, do for him what Christ has done for me: Show him a little undeserved kindness and love. Difficult, yes, but I  just can't wait and see how my sense of entitled, jerk-like retribution fades whenever I choose to see "ice-chewing Bob" through Christlike lenses and serve him despite his faults.

Of course, I could do none of these things and instead download the popular iPhone app, entitled, "Office Jerk." Put out by Fluik entertainment, the game allows you to craft a likeness of your office nemesis -- or anyone for that matter -- and then score points by throwing junk at their digitally represented face.  This promises endless hours of mindless carnage.


Paul's point is that through faith in Christ, the hope of the resurrection and the confidence of a right relationship with God, I have nothing to fear. Run to this truth. Find rest in this truth. Sober up and lighten up. I'm protected by these truths.

Last, Paul tells me that I not only have the light of truth to grant me a greater perspective and an effective armor protecting me from lasting harm, but as a follower of Jesus  I have the unshakable truth that I'm destined for salvation...this shaping my perception of every moment. This is an incredible source of encouragement. 

When the rest of the world is going crazy -- I have to remember my destiny. When everyone else has a short temper -- I have to remember my destiny. When everything from minor details are missed to major tragedies occur, I need to remember my destiny. In the end -- which is all that ultimately matters -- I will "live with Him." (1 Thessalonians 5:10) In other words, "he who possesses blessing in the final hour need not get too worked up about the present moment."  The end result of living in the light of truth, embracing my armor and resting in salvation is a person who is less prone to tearing down another person over a petty issue and more concerned with building someone up. Get this series of imperatives that are as far from jerklike living as I can possibly get. "Respect .... Be at peace .... admonish ... encourage ... help ... be patient .... Rejoice ... pray ... give thanks .... hold fast to what is good" ( 1 Thessalonians 5:12-21).

It's a daunting list. But the implications are clear. If being a jerk can shorten my life, I am heeding the call to be the exact opposite.  I have noticed jerks are everywhere. Whether or not being one will actually shorten my life is up for debate.
Since I am already "dead to" & have tossed my "black book" of folks I'd like to punch in the face...how can I possibly let my life be torn down by jerk-like behavior, both by me and against me. I'm choosing to be the kind of person who builds people up.  The choice is mine, and it's pretty clear. 

Come on self; don't be a jerk.  There are enough of those already.