Talk Like a Pirate?

Ahoy, Avast, Aye, Arrr...

So - I have been praying, reading the Bible, and reflecting on the calendar of special events and holidays left in 2012 - sermon planning. 


International Talk Like a Pirate Day is on Wednesday, September 19, 2012.  Ahoy, avast, aye and arrr — Shiver me timbers! (Now won't this make an interesting prayer meeting?) Did not find this holiday on the religious calendar - go figure.

If you’re not familiar with this international holiday, you’ve obviously been spending too much time doing good and important things. But if you are in the habit of wasting time surfing the Internet, looking for odd and amusing items, then maybe you have stumbled across this silly excuse for a holiday. It’s a day devoted to talking like a pirate. Why?  I suppose...because it’s funny?  Because you can. Just be careful not to go too far and call a close friend a “scurvy bilge rat.”  Might not be amused.

Talk Like a Pirate Day was invented by a couple of guys — no surprise there. They picked September 19 because it was not cluttered up with Christmas or the Super Bowl or any other important event. For years, the two of them celebrated the day in private, just talking like pirates to each other, but then humorist Dave Barry caught word of the holiday and wrote a column about it.  Dave Barry ended up inviting all of his readers to join the movement and celebrate the holiday. 

What do you think? On September 19, we'll not answer the church phone with “Hello." Instead, “Ahoy, me hearty!”  If the congregant protests, we will reply that they are not  "hearty," and  call them a scurvy dog who will soon be walking the plank and ending up in Davy Jones’ locker. (That's pirate talk for the 'bad place' - He_ _ - well, you know.)  See what fun you can have?

Talk Like a Pirate Day has now moved around the world, being picked up by radio stations from Cleveland, Ohio, to Sydney, Australia. According to the official Web site (www.talklikeapirate.com), it has become popular on college campuses, and a set of guidelines has been created for celebrating the day in the workplace. (Nice!)  For instance, when you dress for the office, pick outfits with a lot of red and black, and don’t be afraid to accessorize with shiny metallic accents — maybe even a good skull and crossbones. (This could be risky for me - really - of course I would probably go as a Christian Pirate and leave off the skull and bones but leave the cross.)

If you are tired of your boring first name, put an adjective or descriptive phrase in front of it. If you have always been say "B" or "M", for example, on September 19 you can be Bloody Red "B" or Mad Dog "M." Try this at job interviews. You’ll get results!

Given that Talk Like a Pirate Day is just a few months away and the Bible book of  James talks about taming the tongue.  I am leaning toward a sermon on that - maybe even a whole series.  

 “Look at ships,” says James, sounding like a salty sea dog; “though they are so large that it takes strong winds to drive them, yet they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great exploits” (James 3:4-5). Makes me want to say “Aye!”

The tongue is a small but powerful instrument, able to have an effect that is every bit as influential as the rudder on a pirate ship. Think of the power of words you have heard, or that you have spoken, over the course of your life.

Example of a 'Bilge Rat"

James knows the devastating power of words, which is why he says, “How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire! And the tongue is a fire” (3:5-6). He knows that the tongue can be used to discourage, derail, dismay, deceive and destroy the precious children of God, and he describes it as “a restless evil, full of deadly poison” (3:8).

The challenge for me is to "Talk Like a Christian", not "Talk Like a Pirate." This means that I do not use my big mouth  to “bless the Lord and Father” one minute, and then “curse those who are made in the likeness of God” the next (3:9).  It is not appropriate to offer up enthusiastic praise to God on Sunday, and then call my neighbor a stinking bilge rat on Monday.

So what does it mean for us to Talk Like a Christian — not just on one day in September, but throughout the year? It’s really very easy to talk like a pirate, since all you need to do is pepper your speech with “Ahoy!” “Avast!” “Aye!” and “Arrr!” But faithful Christian speech requires more than the proper vocabulary, more than a specialized knowledge of grog, hornpipes, timbers and yardarms.

To talk like a Christian, we need to speak to other people with a full awareness that they are created in God’s image. This means that we see them not as scurvy bilge rats, but as men and women who are created in the image and likeness of God, breathed into being with the very breath of God himself (Genesis 1:26; 2:7). There is a holiness built into each human being, a sacredness that comes straight from their Creator, and we miss an important aspect of their existence when we overlook this quality.

“From the same mouth come blessing and cursing,” he says, with deep regret. “My brothers and sisters, this ought not to be so” (3:10). Better for us to keep our mouths shut than to pollute the creative word of God with a destructive word of gossip or unfair criticism. (Just went from blogger to preacher.)

When we talk like a Christian, we speak in a way that is in line with the teachings of Jesus, the One who is the Word of God in human form. This is an enormous challenge for us, because Jesus takes speech seriously, and he issues numerous warnings about the consequences of our language. For Jesus, words are never cheap — and they always pack a punch.

“You have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, ‘You shall not murder.’” No surprise there. But then Jesus says, “But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgment … and if you say, ‘You fool,’ you will be liable to the hell of fire” (Matthew 5:21-22). (OUCH!) 

He warns us against using empty phrases in our prayers (6:7), tells us not to judge others (7:1), and wraps everything up in the command to “do to others as you would have them do to you” (7:12). For Jesus, words are every bit as important as actions, because he knows that they have the power to build up or break down.

Talking is more than chit-chat, according to Jesus. It’s a matter of life and death, with words of love and forgiveness having a radically different impact than words of hate and condemnation. 

We have a few months to decide if  we are going to celebrate Talk Like A Pirate Day.  You can make your own decision about whether to Talk Like a Pirate.  Maybe I'll preach like a pirate.  Now there's a plan.  It’s all in good fun, it’s a way to feel bold and daring, and it really won’t affect you — unless you slip up and call your wife or deacon chair a scalawag.

But if you Talk Like a Christian, you’ll be setting sail with Jesus on a most amazing adventure.  And - be pretty salty - that's another blog for another week. Will you join me?  

Hornswaggle, Belay, Parley, Shiver me timbers! I can't wait!